Really?
by Advocate4BAMFs
Summary: "Really?" Percy yelled exasperated. A bunch of short one-shots that aren't really related or in order. Just some funny ideas I had for parts of the PJO series. (HoO now included; others might come in later)
1. Chapter 1:Demigod Version of Hagrid

**Really?!**

Very Short

Do not own PJO.

* * *

Part One

Percy was able to hear the storm even though the shutters were closed. Then all of a sudden he heard what sounded like a knock on the door. "I'll it get Mom!" he shouted to his mom who was looking towards the door worried. 'Who else would be in Montauk when there's a storm going on?' Then suddenly before he could even get to the door it was kicked down! What happened next made Percy pause. A tall shadowed figure burst into the small cottage bringing with it the poor weather outside. After getting a good look at the figure, which quite honestly looked part horse, Percy gasped " ?! What are you doing!" , who was apparently part horse just ignored Percy's question looking around the rather tiny cottage. After a second or two he seemed to gather himself to say something big...

 **"You are a demigod, Percy!"**

Percy, of course, was quite bewildered and just said "Me! A demigod? I couldn't be I'm just average Percy." Of course at this scoffed "Yeah, and I'm not Chiron!" Now at this Percy became quite confused "But sir, you aren't." Then Percy remembered his mom who for some reason was asleep... 'Okay...That's weird.' Percy was pretty confused about what was going on. "Anyways my dear boy, we should be headed off. I'm needed at camp and we should get you settled in." /Chiron calmly stated.

'Well, it's not as if I was planning on really doing anything.' Percy thought "Okay let's go. How will we be getting to this camp, sir?" The ex-teacher arched an eyebrow "Well by flying of course!" he said before taking off in a burst of rainbows. **"Really?!"** Percy yelled over the wind.


	2. Chapter 2:Meeting the Antagonist(Maybe?)

Chapter Summary: Percy is getting settled in when he meets this weird guy...

 **Really?!**

 _Another short one._

 _Disclaimer: Obviously with the way, I'm writing this I don't own any of this. All rights go to Rick Riordan and any other owners of the references in the one-shot._

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Part Two

After getting that weird lecture from Mr.D about wines and different types of clinically diagnosed insanities, Percy followed Chiron to the cabin that he would be staying in for the foreseeable future. It was Cabin 11, and quite frankly it looked like a cabin that would be found in the woods of a horror film. Of course, the inside was not as shabby as the outside, but you know nothing to write home about.

When Percy finally stumbled inside he was faced with a dilemma _'Where in the world will I sleep there's practically no room anywhere!'_ Then the cabin door behind him (which was closed somehow...) opened slowly, revealing with a creak a blonde guy who was a few years older than Percy. At the blonde's entrance, Percy for some reason started hearing Twisted Nerve...

"Hey, newbie. My name's Luke. I'm totally NOT EVIL, nor am I angsting over my father's unoriginality! I think we'll be the best of friends, pal. Here I stole, I mean **bought** these shoes with you in mind bestie!" Percy was feeling really uncomfortable. _'Why was this random guy giving him shoes?'_ Percy tentatively took the shoes "Okay..." Then the guy, Luke, cheerfully said: "Also I'm giving you a poisonous jumping scorpion with the shoes!" Percy freaked out **"Really?!"** he yelled running away from the shoes and the scorpion as fast as he could.


	3. Chapter 3: He's Right There!

Chapter Summary: We are witness to when Reyna and the rest of Camp Jupiter find Jason missing. But is he really missing or are they all just blind?

 **Really?!**

 _Disclaimer: I don't write well enough to own; all rights go to Rick Riordan._

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Part Three

It was a seemingly normal day when 'disaster' struck.

"Praetor Reyna! Praetor Jason is nowhere to be found, we've looked everywhere but he is missing!" a Roman soldier said as he stood in front of Reyna. Reyna was shocked (and even though she wouldn't admit it, scared( _'What if Jason was somehow killed by a monster when he decided to patrol? What if he fell in the Little Tiber and no one saw?'_ )) "Are you sure?! Have you looked absolutely everywhere?" was barked at the soldier before he nodded and replied "Yes Praetor! We've looked in every possible and impossible place. He's nowhere to be found!"

Now both Reyna and the soldier were panicking. Where could Jason be, his seeming disappearance was the most troubling news they've had since the Titan War.

"Hey! Reyna! I'm right here!" Jason shouted frustrated. Why was everyone unable to see or hear him? _'I mean, I'm standing right in front of Reyna yelling at the top of my lungs! What is going on... Is it a...prank!? Ugh. I hope not.'_

Reyna was concerned "We might have to send out search parties." she murmured. Meanwhile, Jason realized something _'They might just be suddenly blind and deaf... Probably not. That would be ridiculous.'_ He was just so irritated.

"Guys! RIGHT HERE! Not missing or anything!" he yelled annoyed, he was practically screaming into Reyna's ears. It didn't seem like she noticed any loud noise right next to her ear.

"Do you have any idea where he could be?" the anxious soldier asked. "No, he wasn't supposed to be going anywhere nor did it seem like he planned on going anywhere soon," Reyna answered.

By now Jason wasn't annoyed anymore. In fact, he was past all that! He was **_enraged_**. _'How_ _ **dare**_ _they ignore me. This is probably just one big joke to them, isn't it! Wel, the joke's on them, I'm going to go somewhere else. Somewhere where people won't ignore me and pretend not to hear me. Maybe...Arizona!'_ Jason had always wanted to visit the Grand Canyon.

"See ya, suckers! Tell me when you decide to acknowledge my existence again!" Jason yelled as he headed towards the tunnel to leave.

"WHERE COULD JASON POSSIBLY BE!" Reyna screamed, finally freaking out.

" **Ugh. Really?!** " Jason screamed back.


	4. Chapter 4: He is NOT a Freaky Fish Guy!

Chapter Summary: Percy went swimming with the rest of the Seven and tells them off for doing something he doesn't like. What will happen next? Who will end up the most upset?

 **Really?!**

 _Disclaimer: I don't own the PJO nor the HoO series. That great honor falls to Rick Riordan. Any references used belong to their owners/creators._

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Part 4

It was a warm summer day at Camp Half-Blood and the Seven were out enjoying themselves at the beach. Percy was having the time of his life swimming and befriending the fishes. He was spending his time under the surface of the lake, taking advantage of his ability to breathe underwater. The rest of the Seven were doing their own things on the shore.

After a while, the Seven on the shore decided to go grab something to eat from their picnic basket. Of course, Percy didn't know about the basket nor its content's so when he surfaced and saw the rest of the Seven (except Piper, seeing as she's vegetarian) eating fish sandwiches he freaked out.

"Guy's! Why are you eating my friends! Why did you kill my friends!" Percy cried. The rest of the Seven had no idea what was going on and were all sharing the same thought _'Is Percy high or something? When did we kill and eat his friends? All we're doing is...Oh. That's it!'_

As one the Seven (except Percy) realized what was going on. He was talking about the fish in their sandwiches. "Man, Percy I never knew you were such a freaky fish guy!" Leo proclaimed.

"Yeah! Why didn't you tell us before we started eating the fish? You are one freaky fish guy." Said Frank.

Now this made Percy really upset _'Why are they calling me a Freaky Fish Guy?! I'm not a Freaky Fish Guy!'_ he thought

"I am NOT a Freaky Fish Guy!" Percy yelled.

"Yes, you are!"The others shot back.

"NO! I AM NOT!" Percy yelled in return.

"YES! YOU ARE!" The rest of the Seven shouted.

"NO!" Yelled Percy.

"YES!" Shouted the rest of the Seven.

"NO!"Yelled Percy.  
"YES!"Shouted the rest of the Seven.  
"NO!"Yelled Percy.  
"NO!"Shouted the rest of the Seven.  
"YES!" Yelled Percy.

"YES! You agreed you are a Freaky Fish Guy." They pointed out.

 **"Really?!** Did I just get Looney Tooned?" Said Percy.

* * *

Also, props to LittleKuriboh for the 'Freaky Fish Guy' Mako Tsunami in YGOTAS.

Also, Octopimp for his 50% Off series, wish he would continue into season 2 of Free! but such is life.


	5. The Story of Annabeth's Gentleman

Chapter Summary: Annabeth writes a story for a high school essay prompt and this is how it turns out... and how 'catastrophic' her distraction of Percy turns out to be.

 _Please let me know how the story of The Gentleman was, it was written for my AP Lit class so I always appreciate feedback. Enjoy!_

 **Really?!**

 _Disclaimer: As demonstrated by my English essay below, I am obviously not skilled enough to come up with PJO. PJO and HoO belong to Rick Riordan._

Part Five

Now Annabeth was excited to share her writing with her boyfriend. She worked long and hard on it to make sure that she didn't mix up any of the words or ruin the story with horrific grammar.

"Percy! Come here, I want to show you something," she called over to her boyfriend who was taking his revenge on the very evil straw dummies. _'Of course, he doesn't pay attention when I want to show him something interesting.'_ thought Annabeth, conveniently forgetting that every other time that she called him over she did so to teach him some of the finer points of why bousillage is never used to make a belvedere.

"Does it involve sparring?" was the answer that Annabeth got after a few more dummy's lost their lives in the line of duty. There was only one thing that Annabeth could do to get Percy to pay any attention to her story. "Of course it is! Why would I be here if it wasn't! It's not like I could be lying or anything." was Annabeth's completely truthful reply.

At this Percy finally stopped his massacre of straw dummies and walked over to Annabeth to hear what she had to say on the topic of fighting, preferably on how his fighting was the best thing to hold back the ravenous hoards of inanimate straw dummies. When she was sure that he was listening to her Annabeth started reading her story...

 _"As with all things it started with the birth of a baby. An unexpected and ultimately unwanted baby, given up for adoption by the mother who he would not see until he was wise with age. It was many years and trials ago when the_ babe _, who we shall call The Gentleman for convenience's sake, finally found his long sought after biological mother. Now The Gentleman's mother was a very proper lady by the name of Mrs. Caroline Clisbie. So when he came to her house to call on her he was invited inside to wait in the parlor. When Mrs. Clisbie came down to entertain her surprise guest she saw that he had brought a lovely bouquet of carnations and anemones. "Here let me call someone to bring out a vase with some water for your lovely flowers. Who are they for?" the ever graceful Mrs. Clisbie said. The Gentleman, of course, was surprised she didn't know, "Why, Mother! These are for you. I have finally found you after many a year scouring the ends of the earth for you. Don't you know? It is I! Your son, The Gentleman."_

 _This of course was the absolute worst thing to spring on a old and very proper lady like Mrs. Clisbie who upon hearing the normally joyful news sprung out of her chair and began shrieking at The Gentleman telling him that he was a liar and a thief who should leave her house if he knew at all what was good for himself and other various obscenities and tongue lashings. At which point The Gentleman also sprung to his feet and in a poor attempt at soothing his near hysterics mother said, "Mother please calm down! You don't have to worry about me anymore. I just wanted to meet my dearest mother one time before I went off to join the great big war happening across the bay."_

 _At this point Mrs. Clisbie snapped, slapping The Gentleman, who in his shocked state fell dumbfounded to the plush carpeted floor. In her ever scorching fury, Mrs. Clisbie demanded The Gentleman "Stop lying! I have no son! I have no daughter! I am alone and you are a most atrocious liar! Now take your horrid flowers and get out of my sight!" At this, the hysteric woman fled to the relative safety of her large damask armchair in the process stepping on the carnations in The Gentleman's bouquet for her. Resigned The Gentleman responded with "As you wish my lady, I shall leave your benevolent sight but not without telling you this truth. This is not the real me you're seeing, Mrs. Clisbie." And the disappointed man left the home of his last living family member. The old and delusional lady was left to her own aged devices. For she, like many others is unable to look past the masks we wear constantly in front of each other and the masks we assign to everyone else."_

With a flourish, Annabeth finished reading her story and looked to Percy to get his input. What she found was not very encouraging, Percy was sitting down next to her looking like he was just told that his entire life was an extremely popular book series in an alternate dimension with multiple spin-offs. That is to say, he was very confused and surprised. So she waited a bit until Percy was able to answer her.

This took a few minutes because Percy was still processing at he had just heard. When he finally answered the first thing he said was, "That wasn't about fighting at all! I thought it would have been a tale of my epic skills!"

Now never let it be said that Annabeth lied to her friends, so she came clean and told Percy the truth, "It never was going to be about fighting Percy. I only said that to get you to listen to my essay. I'm sorry that I tricked you. But I just wanted to know how my story was."

At this Percy grew slightly frustrated. _'I thought that I was going to hear something about fighting that's why I stopped fighting my greatest enemy yet. Now that I stopped fighting those vile dummies they are going to have the advantage and would have called over their allies the training posts!'_

So what he said next was a little irritated. "Of course I'll forgive you but only after you help me take back the land lost by your distraction," he demanded.

Annabeth was confused, sure when she arrived he was fighting the straw dummies but why was he talking about taking back lost land? She was confused until she looked around the area that the two were standing in. To her shock, they were completely surrounded by training posts and straw dummies.

When Percy too noticed this he cursed. "Fudge! I was this close to finally defeating you villains. Come on Annabeth we have to retake the Camp! If we hurry there may be some survivors."

The only thing that Annabeth did was scream **"Really?!"**


	6. Chapter 6: Is Anyone Else Hearing This?

_Chapter Summary: Percy has a slight hearing issue today. He keeps hearing the oddest of things that fit in with his current activities oddly well..._

 _ **Really?!**_ __

 _Disclaimer: I definitely don't own. You think I could write that good? All rights belong to Rick Riordan and the creators of the referenced songs._

Part Six

* * *

 _"...Good Day Sunshine! Good Day Sunshine!..."_ was the first thing that Percy heard the morning of that terrible, no good, very bad day. Of course, he didn't know that the Beatles were a herald of doom, but he knew better now, after the Incident.

"Whaaz at? Be quiet. Sleepin." was the only thing Percy said to that **_Sound_** if it could even be called that. That horrible day was filled with _**Sounds**_ like the one that woke him up first thing in the morning.

* * *

The next event of the Incident didn't occur until breakfast when Percy already shrugged the first stage of the Incident as a dream( _'That poor naive past-me. He never knew what was coming.'_ ).

He had just sat down at his table to eat his normal breakfast of blue eggs and ham when he heard it. Of course what he didn't know was that ever since he first heard it the _**Sounds**_ were constantly playing just softly enough that Percy was unable to hear it. But once he started eating he was stopped by a " _...I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans..._ " 

At the sudden "noise" Percy stopped shoving food in his mouth and looked around the dining pavilion to see who was singing. When he didn't see anybody he just shrugged and went back to eating his eggs not hearing the much quieter " _...Excuse my manners if I make a scene... I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like..._ "

* * *

It was then that he really noticed what was happening. The two other events were shrugged off but this, this was the one that started the whole disaster that dark day.

All Percy was doing was warming up before his monthly spar with Clarrise when he heard another one of those **_Sounds_**. But this time he was alone and wide awake and unable to ignore it any longer. When he pulled out his sword he heard the opening melody but it didn't really hit until he started hearing " _Rising up, back on the street... Just a man and his will to survive..."_

At that Percy stopped beating up the straw dummy, and with that, the very familiar song stopped playing.

Shrugging it off as the Stoll twins pulling a prank or something of the like he went back to the dummy only to hear " _...So many times it happens too fast. You trade your passion for glory...You must fight just to keep them alive..."_ causing Percy to suddenly stop.

 _'Ok. That is not a prank. The Stoll twins are with the rest of their siblings at the climbing wall today. That's where I saw them heading after breakfast. So who or what is doing this?'_ As Percy pondered this he started training once more only to be interrupted by, " _It's the eye of the tiger. It's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival. And the last known survivor. Stalks his prey in the night. And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger..._ " At this Percy decided that he must be hearing things and went to go spar with Clarisse, hoping that she would somehow keep him from hearing things by distracting him with violence.

* * *

As Percy came upon the fighting arena he thought he heard someone faintly singing and started to walk faster towards where his opponent was. When Percy reached Clarisse he noticed that the singing seemed to stop and so he foolishly relaxed, think the worst was over yet when it had only just begun.

"Hey, Clarisse are you ready to lose to me for the umpteenth time?" Percy called out in a challenge. Like he expected that made her even more annoyed at his existence in general. "Of course I am Kelp for Brains. It should be easy seeing how you forgot that those wins were actually mine," was Clarisse's irritated retort.

As soon as the two of them got ready to start their fight Percy thought he once again heard the singing that he heard before. This didn't really register until he and Clarisse started to fight. The first time their weapons clashed was when Percy really heard it.

"Clarisse, do you hear that singing?" Percy asked his opponent who only glared at him. "What are you talking about Fish Boy? There's no singing. Stop trying to distract me so you can win," she snapped at him.

Now Percy got slightly worried, disengaging their locked blades he listened closely and heard loud and clear what sounded like male voices singing " _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_ ," a few times. "Are you sure you can't hear it?" He asked her seriously. To his disappointment, she only scoffed at him and replied, "No. Stop trying to freak me out or something. Just fight with me using weapons, not tricks."

Percy reluctantly agreed and once again crossed blades with Clarisse. This prompted the _**Sounds**_ to get louder and Percy knew that this time Clarisse wouldn't let him stop especially since she couldn't hear what he was hearing. So with these things in mind, he continued to counter Clarisse's strikes with an inborn skill and he got more than a few hits on her when he noticed openings.

As the fight progressed it seemed like the _**Sounds**_ which were at first slow were getting faster until Percy was able to recognize the _**Sound**_. But by that time the lyrics already started. " _...Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting. Those kids were fast as lightning. In fact, it was a little bit frightening. But they fought with expert timing..._ "

This was a bit much for Percy who after swiftly defeating his adversary, ran away from the arena yelling, " We weren't fighting with kung-fu! We were using swords! Why would that song play!?" At that Clarisse who was sitting on the ground got up and shook her head saying, "Something's really wrong with that guy," and walked off.

* * *

It wasn't until dinner time that Percy, who was paranoidly avoiding everything he could, encountered the terrible _**Sounds**_ once more.

He entered the dining pavilion cautiously, slinking towards his table where he quickly got his food and blue Coke. After he made his usual sacrifice disaster struck. Just as he was going to take a bite of his meal, he heard a _**Sound**_ playing loud and clear when he thought he was in the clear.

The _**Sound**_ that set him off was that of, " _...You better listen, better do what you're told. You haven't even touched your tuna casserole. You better chow down or it's gonna get cold. So eat it..._ "

"Argh! I'm not even eating tuna casserole!" Percy yelled louder than normal in the convenient silence that came from simultaneous pauses in everyone's conversation. This led to everyone looking Hero of Olympus strangely as he shrunk in his seat. Quickly finishing his meal he headed out to the campfire where some other campers were eating smores.

 _'I should be safe now. I can't think of any songs that involve smores._ ' was Percy's only thought. Oh, how innocent a thought, it was too bad that he was completely wrong. The moment that he got some smores of his own this dreadful **_Sound_** announced its existence with a " _...So bye, bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. And them good ole boys were drinking whiskey 'n rye. Singin' this'll be the day that I die. This'll be the day that I die..._ "

This turned out to be the last straw for our hero who jumped to his feet and ran to his cabin shouting, "Pies aren't anything close to smores! Why is this happening today!" A statement that led to the other campers questioning Percy's sanity for the rest of the week.

* * *

Now it was late in the night way past midnight and Percy was still awake afraid that by sleeping somehow the **_Sounds_** would be able to do something to him. This, of course, was utter nonsense seeing as so far it was merely _**Sound**_ , but Percy was acting extremely paranoid.

His actions which normally would be overly paranoid and unnecessary were in his eyes essential to his survival for some reason. Of course, if they would have actually affected the incorporeal _**Sounds**_ it might have been helpful. But sadly both _**Sounds**_ and sounds are not really tangible.

This didn't matter to Percy who in his false sense of security fell asleep around one in the morning. He wasn't asleep for long when he heard " _...Sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree? I travel the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something..._ " in his dreams.

His scream of **"Really?!"** woke up the entire camp and only led to them questioning his sanity for weeks.

* * *

Somewhere unknown, Apollo laughed thinking of his April Fools prank on Percy Jackson, who forgot what day it was.

* * *

A.N: Song List in order of songs referenced:

-Good Day Sunshine by The Beatles

-Pork and Beans by Weezer

-Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

-Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas

-Eat It by Weird Al Yankovic

-American Pie by Don McLean

-Sweet Dreams(Are Made Of This) by Eurythmics

I DON'T OWN ANY OF THESE!


End file.
